Thursday, July 2, 2009


Patience has never been one of my more developed qualities. I may not be one to lose my patience easily, but I have not ever had a knack for waiting on God, trusting His timing, all of that good stuff. I tend to take matters into my own hands rather than continue to wait for His plan to become apparent. So eight years ago when my life crumbled around me and I had to, sort of, begin again, I promised God that I would wait this time. Admittedly, I didn't promise to be patient, just to wait. Eight years is no small amount of time any way you look at it. Honestly, I think if God had told me at the time that I would have to wait for eight years, I think I would have said forget it!
So, what have my eight years of waiting brought me?
Fame? No.
Fortune? Certainly not.
Nor has some amazing, life changing event occurred in my life. In fact, I can't even look at any particular event or moment that could be called the end of my waiting.
What I have is peace. "Peace that passes all understanding." I believe that is how He puts it.
I am "all good". My relationships with family and friends are all I could hope for them to be, I have 2 children who bless my heart everyday, I have a husband who... well, if I could describe how wonderful he makes me feel, I'd be over-qualified for a Pulitzer Prize.
In just a few weeks, I will be a college student again, and I am more confident in my own abilities than I ever thought I could be.
For the first time in my life, I am not at all concerned that my facade is going to fall and expose the real me. There is no facade. I am wholly exposed to the world around me and the feeling is exhilarating! I am aware that the picture isn't perfect, but it is perfectly me. I am exactly who God wants me to be.
One of the big pseudo- philosophical questions of all time is, "If you died right now, would you feel like you made a difference; like you mattered; like you had made your peace with the world?"
My answer: If I died right now, the next words I would hear are, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Who could ask for anything more?